Today is a day of sadness...

Today, life as I know it, is sad. I feel the cold breeze of remorse and pain blow through the office as my co workers ache for their friend. Since I've only been here a little over 5 months, I haven't had the priviledge to know Patricia the way the rest do. I look into their eyes as they reminence about her and begin to feel the well in my own eyes gather because I am so moved by their sadness. Life. It's unfair at times. It's unfair that such a beautiful, God loving woman could all of a sudden, with no signs of trouble, be diagnosed w/stage 4 lung cancer that has already matasized to her liver. Unfair. I long to comfort my people... I just don't know how.

I find myself struggling with my own sadness, which now feels so selfish and minute compared to this greater grief that infects my surroundings. I'm getting married in 9days, but I am completely lacking the joy. Where's the excitement? All I want to do is run away. Not from the love of my life, but from this ultimate blanket of sadness that drapes over everything I love.

Can't Make Up My Mind

Truthfully, I don't even know why I blog... LOL. I say a lot of things that don't make sense, that are uninteresting, and for the most part are pretty pointless. I guess there is just something about the idea of being able to write out all your thoughts on the internet as opposed to the old journal and pencil that is appealing. Maybe it's the cool background colors? Anyway, I deleted all my old posts. Not that it matters. I just felt they lacked direction. Like the whole 30 days straight of blogging. I got what? 5 days in and put it off. I'm lame, I know. So I'm sitting here trying to be better with this. A lot of new exciting things are happening in my life, so hopefully I will be able to share them (if I remember). My new job is amazeballs. I work long hours though, so by the time I get home I only have enough energy to breathe. But, I will TRY to make a better effort. Someone once told me if you make something a routine it will become a habit... so let's start with the routine part first.

♥